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We're excited to introduce Dr. Sheri Fluellen! Your wedding day is filled with details of planning, flowers, photography, and that second cousin you haven't seen since you were five... :) But more than this, it's about blending your lives together and becoming husband and wife. With that brings a new series of challenges as you adjust to your new life together -- and tons of questions. Dr. Fluellen is here to help! A private practice Psychologist in Cheyenne, Dr. Fluellen has a passion for working with couples. She says, "One of the best marital planning tools is helping couples to not overlook getting emotionally ready at the same time that they pick out their announcements and flower arrangements."
Thanks to Dr. Fluellen for sharing her insight with us! Have questions? Email brides@wyomingweddingsonline.com and connect with Dr. Fluellen!
Love is in the air! Not only are you planning a fantastic romantic wedding, but Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, which only adds to your amorous feelings. Cherish those feelings and enjoy your relationship as the passion is still new and fresh. For many of you, this may be the last Valentine’s Day you and your significant other have before you have joined together in marital bliss. Next year’s Valentine’s Day as a married couple will only be better! Or will it?
I don’t want to instill any anxiety or self-fulfilling prophesies into your relationship, yet I do want to share some very real and practical advice about your soon-to-be newly married relationship. As a psychologist, I hear stories all the time from couples who mourn over changes in their romantic relationship that occurred after the big day. What happens? Was your significant other just putting on a good “show” for you during courtship? The answer may fall somewhere between “yes” and “no”. While all relationships are different in their own way, there is some universality to changes in relationships after marriage. Your significant other may not have intentionally tried to put on a good show and hide their flaws (like the fact that he/she often puts an empty milk carton back into the fridge or that he/she has a little bit of a jealousy streak), but it is normal for us to put more effort into showing our good sides, than our not-so-pleasant sides. Imagine the peacock that proudly boasts it huge plume of beautiful feathers to attract positive attention from a mate. Reality is that we can’t sustain that plume forever. At some point, we have to put our feathers down for a while. For some couples, this doesn’t really happen until after marriage, especially if your courtship was relatively short (my rule of thumb is serious dating/courtship for at least a year). So expect this to happen sometime soon and just be ready for it. How can you be ready for it, you ask? I offer two recommendations: 1) Show some grace to your significant others’ shortcomings. No one is perfect, and if you only knew how they really felt about your flaws (that your chew your toe nails and spit them onto the floor in front of the couch), you might wish they showed you a little grace as well. 2) Talk with your spouse/fiancée about what your expectations are in your relationship (including how to handle special occasions like Valentine’s Day), how you want to be treated, and how you want to resolve the conflicts when they inevitably come up. If you both have already talked about each of your expectations for the relationship (that you want to spend every other Friday night out with the “girls” or your “buds”) and have a mutually satisfactory arrangement, then that can go a long way to avoid your mate’s imperfection, the green ugly monster of jealousy, from rearing its ugly head.
No relationship is perfect because no two people are perfect. Yet you can still have the most satisfying relationship imaginable if you plan ahead, talk with each other about what you think and feel about things, and show each other a little grace when needed.
Have a fantastic Valentine’s Day!
Thanks Dr. Fluellen! Stay tuned for more advice, tips, trends, inspiration and MORE! (Yes, there is MORE on the way!) Questions? Want to contribute too? We'd love to hear from you! Please contact us at brides@wyomingweddingsonline.com!
'Til Next Time...I'm going to thank my Valentine for tolerating my flaws...for the last 10 years now!
Kati Hime, Editor
editor@wyolifestyle.com
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